If “December 4th” sounds familiar, it might be because it’s a Jay-Z song. And it’s a Jay-Z song, as any rap fan can tell you, because it’s his birthday. And today’s not just ANY birthday, it’s his big 4-0, so let us be the first (even though we’re probably not) to wish Jiggaman a very happy birthday, and many more on Channel 4, and Frankenstein on Channel 9, etc. etc. etc. In fact, we’ve tried to pass the birthday tidings onto YOU, our loyal readers, by leaking the tracklisting from the surprise mixtape Jay’s dropping tonight*.

See, with such a momentous occasion at hand, and as he gracefully transitioned into middle age, he realized that he’d be going through some changes in his life, as any aging man would. So he went back and re-recorded some of his greatest hits, with new titles and new lyrics, to reflect those changes. So read on for the tracklisting, and again Mr. Carter: happy birthday, and please don’t dismantle our company after reading this. It’s all love!

TRACKLISTING

1. Polident As Usual
2. Blue Magic (The Viagra Song)
3. Empire Prostate of Mine
4. Is That Yo Bitch? For Real, Where Are My Glasses?
5. Nap Game/Crack Game
6. Moment of Claritin
7. 99 Puddings
8. Can’t Knock the Shuffleboard
9. Never Change (Thanks to Depends)
10. Izzo (A.A.R.P.)
11. Can I Get A…What Was I Saying Again?
12. Pension, Social Security, Hoes
13. Bingo Boys (And The Winner Is)
14. Grandpop 4 Roc
15. Cholesterol Report
16. (Please Roll Me Out Into the) Sunshine
17. Combover

*Of course this is a parody. Happy birthday Hov!

Props: Complex

Bonus: