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{Note: October 13th, 2008}

Christopher Columbus is seriously ruining my day………

For one thing, Im waiting for some important info from the bank so I can see if my money needs to go into a shoe box or if I need to just go burn it now before its worthless

But I will have to wait a whole ‘nother day because it’s stupid Columbus Day

and the banks are closed.

Columbus Day

In addition, after a movie-watching dry spell, I finally just put two Netflix envelopes out in the box this morning, but oh wait– they won’t be picked up. Because it’s stupid motherfucking Columbus Day.

Why does Christopher Columbus need his own Spit’s-Plan-Ruining day?????

Because he “discovered” America??????

It seems like historians and politicians have a much more liberal definition of “discover” than I do.

The way I see it, if you discover a continent which is currently inhabited by hundreds of thousands of Indians and Mexicans…

You didn’t so much “discover” it as you “found” it……..

Punk a*s false-credit-taking Christopher Columbus…..
Oh, and after he found America, then what happened???

THEY (as in D. Whiteman) all came over here in droves and eventually killed off the native people. Giving them syphilis and all type of nasty diseases. It’s kind of embarrassing on THEIR part, to say the least…

Columbus Day

So I wouldn’t brag about it, much less give the schmuck who started it his very own national holiday…..

So I say F*ck Christopher Columbus..
f*k him………..f*ck him
Why dont we have Hitler Day???
Joseph Stalin Day???
Jim Jones Day???
Are they serious???
Columbus day???
Yall are cool with this???
(I don’t necessarily agree with Martin Luther King Day either, but I digress…)

Well since he has a day lets EXAMINE this guy you people choose to celebrate:

COLUMBUS FAILED EARLY & OFTEN: He failed when he joined in the attempt to conquer the Kingdom of Naples. Later, he was captured by Portuguese ships as he escorted an armed convoy. He was wounded. And he never did get to India. The fact that he didn’t give up and become a shopkeeper after this rough start was critical to his success….

COLUMBUS WAS A THIEF: He didn’t invent the idea that the world was round. In fact, Ertosthenes, Aristotle and Ptolemy (and alot of Egyptians before then) pretty much made it an established fact among educated people long before Columbus was born. Just because he didn’t invent the idea doesn’t mean he couldn’t use it.

COLUMBUS DIDN’T DO HIS RESEARCH CAREFULLY, REINFORCING HIS OPTIMISM: He thought that calculations of the size of the Earth were in Italian miles, not in the longer Arabic miles. The correct calculations would have ‘proven’ he should never have left.

COLUMBUS TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HUMAN NATURE: The rulers of Spain were desperate to find an edge and Columbus offered them a quest that could address their state of emergency.

COLUMBUS WAS PERSISTENT:. It took him seven years at court in order to get funding.

NO ONE REALLY BELIEVED COLUMBUS WOULD CHANGE ANYTHING: His contract with the king included huge bonuses for success, largely because they were pretty sure that he would fail.

COLUMBUS DIDNT CONSIDER THE SIDE EFFECTS UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE: In order to help repay his investors, Columbus took slaves (the first person to do so in the New World) and in one notorious case, arranged to cut the hands off of each Haitian adult male who failed to bring a minimum amount of gold to his ships.

ULTIMATELY IN DEATH, COLUMBUS BECAME A BRAND:, a story bigger than his own facts. Buried in Spain, moved to Santo Domingo, then to Havana and then back to Spain. Namesake of the Knights of Columbus. Honored by statues and streets and even cities. In many ways considered the “first American,” demonstrating vision, persistence, insight, brilliance, bravery and world changing paradigm shifting… NONE of it true, of course.. and they forgot to add murderer


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  1. Shyaine
    October 11th, 2010 13:16

    ….and you never question obvious facts like these when you’re in school reading about nonsense. You have to give it to the Man, they flipped the scripts VERY well smh…


    • October 13th, 2010 8:46

      You should leave nothing unquestioned, no stone unturned


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