Introduction to: MANcation Revelations

As many of my readers know, I have been on a MANcation for some time now.

I thought I would dedicate the MANcation Revelations page to all of the things I have discovered about myself through this time. First, I would like to define just what the word MANcation means to me. When I say I’m on a MANcation, I generally get the same response, a confused look followed with a question like “Does that mean you like girls?” or “Are you depressed?” I assure you that neither is the case.

This journey of self-discovery was the result of a “relationship” gone wrong of course, but I had originally set out to, wait for it, “find myself.” As cliche as that sounds, I really wanted to eliminate all distractions from my life and really get down to the person I am. I wanted to evaluate the relationships in my life, both familial and romantic. I felt that I needed to get closer with God, and I’ve NEVER felt closer, but that’s for later posts. Right now, I just want to introduce you all to this journey of self discovery. Sit back and enjoy the ride, and if something speaks to you, you know what to do.

 

The most common theme as of late on my MANcation journey has been the importance of signs. A sign is defined as an object, quality, or event whose presence or occurrence indicates the probable presence or occurrence of something else. We’re all constantly looking for signs of some sort to reassure us and let us know that we are going in the right direction with our lives. The sign you are looking for may be a “good job” from a boss or colleague, an encouraging word from a friend, or praise on a job well done. Whatever the case may be, I’ve been inspired to really pay attention to all of the signs around me. They are God’s way of letting me know that HE’s still in control. There have been many, many, times and more to come I’m sure, when I have chosen to ignore the signs along the way.

The holidays have brought about a spirit of loneliness to me. I wish all of my MANcation Revelations could be sprinkled with sugar but sometimes they’re sour before they’re sweet and sometimes I’m still trying to figure out exactly what it is that I’m tasting. I love my family, and I absolutely LOVE the holidays. Something is different this year. It is the very first major holiday that I’ve experienced without my grandfather. I guess I didn’t realize just how much that would affect me until I ended up with this extremely empty feeling after the guests had gone home, the music had been turned off and the plates scraped clean. My grandfather was my number one fan. He truly believed I could do no wrong and I was the apple of his eye. I KNOW, I can do plenty of wrong and I knew in some sense he understood that too. That’s what was so remarkable about our relationship; to have someone who no matter what, sees you for the good person you are–that’s amazing. He didn’t talk to me much about anything too serious but his wisdom and the quiet moments that would precede his insanely accurate astuteness would always give me just what I needed.

But back to signs, I’ve always had the feeling that asking God for signs was an insult to Him. I believed that asking for signs meant that I didn’t trust God enough that HE would do what he said HE would simply because HE was GOD. Recently, I realized that all of that is true, with one exception. ASKING God for a sign is not as harsh a crime as ignoring the signs that HE has placed all around me.  I guess my imagination and the special effects of Blockbuster hits has desensitized me a bit. I’m always waiting for this grandiose sign complete with lightning, wind, and flying monkeys to tell me that God is doing something. In actuality, the closer I get with God, the more I notice the small signs he sends me everyday.

My recent flare up of loneliness coupled with some flattering words from a guy whose been attempting to pursue me, almost caused a MEAN backtrack on the course. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I felt like a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m well of aware that I am a woman, but sometimes a compliment from the right guy, can make you remember just how much you enjoy being a girl. Reality was running late that day so I entertained it for the moment. I actually considered giving this guy the time of day and accepting the words he offered as an “explanation” to why we have never been on a real date and he has only been consistent at making open-ended promises with no intent of keeping them.

His explanation that “we are both so busy” sounded halfway decent until I remembered that I’m never too busy to do the things that I want to do, so that theory is out of the window. This past weekend I have been feeling like maybe I should give him a chance simply because I wanted some male attention. I almost convinced myself that it was okay to let the very little he was giving me be sufficient, and then reality showed up. I have not been doing all of this self-work for it to be ruined by a moment of weakness and a few kind words. I have been called bourgeois, selfish, unrealistic, and silly for remaining so rigid when it comes to the things I’ll accept from these guys but I am not budging. I’m not the one who will give you something for nothing. God is doing too much and giving me too much for me to settle down with mediocrity.

If this guy is showing me who he is now, why would I ignore the signs?! I am trying to be more free and “meet people where they are” but not when it comes to my time and energy. I will no longer ignore the signs. If you  go on a road trip and ignore every sign on the way to your destination, chances are slim to none that you’ll end up where you intended to go. More than likely, you’ll end up in a foreign land, looking around trying to figure out how you got there.

 

Read more MANCATION Revelations here.