I am writing this to get some things off my chest; the eternal battle within myself. The battle between love, rage, and lust; these three emotions at times clash with one another. I know I am only human but I just want to find a common ground within myself. So, I am going to be speaking about each emotion/alter-egos that comes with these emotions. At the end of the day I want everyone to know I am not crazy as you think I am; I am just a human. I am not afraid to admit it.

Mr. Blair – Love

I am myself whenever rage or lust isn’t involved; all I want is to be happy. I just want peace for myself, my family members, love ones, and the world. It saddens me to see people in need, like the homeless, elderly or mentally challenged. When I am Mr. Blair, all I want to do is love one woman and give her all my heart and soul. I want to be a better lover and man than my father ever was to my mother. I would give my life for my love ones, even strangers. I love to hear Erin’s laughter; at times it could bring me to tears. When I am Mr. Blair, I sit in my living room for hours thinking about how I could make the world a better place to live? What can I do to create a movement to unite Black people all over the world? What can I do to contribute to this world to make it a little closer to a utopia? How could I make Communism work in the real world and not just a great idea on paper? How can I give Erin a better future?  Most importantly, what is needed for me to become a great writer? Not just a great African-American writer, NO! A great writer that would rival the likes of Shakespeare, Orwell, Twain, Hemmingway, and whatever great White writer that’s suppose to be “the template for formal literature.” I have hope and dreams that will be reality in my upcoming future. I love all including my enemies and I hope for the best when I am Mr. Blair.

Trevor E. Bigglesworth – Rage

It comes like a bolt of lightning; zero to one twenty or steaming like a smoking gun. The moment I feel anger, despise, or betrayal here comes Trevor E. Bigglesworth; the darkness in me. All men and women have that bit of darkness in them that lingers and wait for the right moment to strike. That is the side of me that I hate to bring out because it contradicts Mr. Blair. All the peace, love, and beauty go out the window. My mind is numb; I am a nimrod for chaos. All I can see and hear are the moments of pain in my life. All the heartbreak from women I once loved, the loneliness, the cold nights, hunger pains, acts of desperation, the void from the pasting of my grandmother, the failures of my past, and the taunting laughs of enemies I want eradicated creates Trevor. The fiery witty comebacks laces with disrespectful announce. The hateful stares that are accompanied by deranged thoughts. Trevor’s paranoia fuels his rage causing him not to trust anyone. Trevor is insane; he’s these ignorant thoughts we all have for people that piss us off. He’s fearless, fears no man or God; only thing he fears is himself. Prepared to face death at any moment and will laugh in Lady Death’s face.  Always ready to punch someone in the face or the same man that would love a woman one night and forget her the next day until he wants more sex from her. Trevor is arrogant, cocky, and selfish. He’s a beautiful manic, a handsome boogieman, and he’s possibly a sadist. Trevor is the embodiment of rage; he just wants to see and feel destruction. Ravage anything beautiful including his relationships with women he loves. He doesn’t know how to love a women right, just spitting hateful words that’ll reach into her soul and touch it. Trevor is the relentless drive to achieve his dreams so he can exact revenge on others that has harmed him. The type of rage when he doesn’t mind bones cracking under his knuckles, the taste of blood, or the racing of his heart, not from fear but ecstatic. The feeling of inflicting a moment of chaos on another. He’s loneliness and he’s like a force of anarchy. He takes all his failures, heartbreaks, pains, and anger and just lives in the darkness because I am Trevor E. Bigglesworth.

Eli – Lust

Ha…That’s how I am going to start this train of thoughts and the ego of Eli. These precious moments between myself and a beautiful young lady. The touches, the kisses, the licks, and the act of passion all builds up until eruption. Everything in my mind goes blind to lust; no rage or peace. All I want is her, wet, on the table, or the couch. Biting her as she releases an lonely moan; the act of passion between us. Really, women are so amazing; their curves, soft skin, nice hair, sexy eyes, full lips, etc. My opinion, water and women are the two greatest things God has made; without them we couldn’t live. A classy, intelligent, witty, sexy, ambitious woman is one of the most beautiful things in the world. If she has locs, natural, or hair without a perm, lovely! Curvy, slim, or average I love them all! What’s not to like about a beautiful woman. I love a woman’s eyes, the way they look at me at that moment of lust. Lust just might be my strongest emotion that’s hard for me to control at times. When Eli comes out he whispers sweet nothings into any beautiful dame’s ear and let the chips fall where they may. The “Lust Game” is almost a sport to me, the sport of getting the nicest, most respectful, and well mannered woman to break and let that hint of lust come out. Let your hair down, luv; I just want to do some nice things to your body. Life is too short for wondering, we’re alone and she has all my attention, why not? These are my thoughts when Eli is around, that strong raging lust running through my heart, mind, and the love below. As I write this flashes of her biting her bottom lips in lust or her sizing me up with passion in her eyes; the beauty of women. I have wanted many women and I have done some nice things to a few lovely women. At the end of a long day and passionate night, listening to her in a dark, warm room as she utters these sublime moans, smiling as I am Eli.