Much to my surprise, Foxy Brown was invited to perform on the Tom Joyner Morning Show Fantastic Voyage cruise last week. I was pretty sure you had to be an actual (current) performer to attend that cruise, but apparently I was wrong. However, not too much to my surprise, ‘ol girl had a crazy meltdown… again. And, as you guessed correctly, it had to do with her nails. According to reports, Foxy was three hours late to a nail appointment, and when she finally did arrive, they could not fit her in and she went ballistic. She had to be escorted to her cabin, locked down in there under supervision, and then got kicked off the ship somewhere in the middle of the islands.

Damn, Foxy. Just damn.

What were you getting done? It couldn’t have been a regular full-set or a mani… At least tell me you were getting a silk wrap or at least Minx.

One major problem you had from the gate, Foxy, was you forgot that you aren’t exactly a celebrity anymore. Showing up three hours late to any place, thinking you’re going to get the star treatment is just foolish. Now, had you walked in with a real celebrity like Beyonce, they would have shut the whole nail shop down; might have even docked the ship for you. But you can’t walk into these places trying to use your “street cred”—you’ll only embarrass yourself just like you ended up doing.

Another problem was you forgot about your previous run-ins regarding your personal beautification. Back in ’04 you had that assault charge for going H.A.M. on two other nail salon employees. And then in ’07 that other assault charge for hitting that beauty store worker who didn’t give you your packs of weave in a timely fashion. You should know by now to stay away from places like this! You don’t see Mike Vick going into pet stores now do you? Only you and Naomi Campbell are repeat offenders—you with the nails, her with the phones.

Listen, it’s apparent that you are overprotective of your nails and their appearance. You are more than welcomed to come to West Philly and I can take you down 52nd st. to Mrs. Kim, Chan, and their whole family to get you taken care of. You don’t gotta make an appointment, come whenever you want, and you can even get your eyebrows (*cough cough* and lip) waxed. Oh, and a few words to the wise—don’t even think you gonna spaz/meltdown in this nail salon Foxy—they don’t play. Not only would their faithful customers not let that go down, Mrs. Kim and them got burners right at nail tables, somewhere between the acrylic and cuticle softener, in case they need to handle disgruntled customers like you.