Let me begin this by posing a few questions. What gets you out to an event these days? Is it the promise of a good time, entertainment, fun crowds, or is it the drink specials? From recent experience I have found it to be the drink specials for most. Clubs and bars are making bank off of legal binge parties and sexploitation events. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the promotions, every flyer these days has a naked girl with a popular bottle of liquor on it offering cheap drink specials. That is the standard for night life these days. Get drunk and see “attractive” people all in the hopes that you get banged at the end of the night or atleast the next.

I mean we’ve all fallen victims to this new way of promotion at one time or another with the hopes of hooking up or being so drunk to forget we hate our ex’s enough to have a night of pleasure. But why should the bars and clubs capitalize on this? What happened to getting a bottle at the crib and drunk dialing? I pose these questions because recently I went to a bar that sold this same type of experience at $20 a pop, and people paid! I even paid, like an idiot as well, all to show support on my best friends birthday- but never again.

Here’s a recap on my “Drunken Sex” experience:

We went to Jollies live on Broad St in Philly, because according to my girls “this place pops”. Now I went in knowing that this was a bar but I assumed something new was being brought to the table for this over priced event. To my dismay the only “new” attraction was a mechanical bull, but I’ll get to that later. So on the strength of my girlfriends I pay the 20 bucks to get into this jammed packed bar full of average and below average party goers. Chicks with bad weaves everywhere I turned. Dudes with over priced half empty Ciroc bottles trying to stunt in same gear as the next guy. All this had me saying to myself, “I know today was pay day, and this is how people turn out on Good Friday, of all night’s?!” Not my concern though because of course I stick out like a sore thumb in a tack house. So my first issue is people all up in my face. I did not pay $20 to be a main attraction instead I came to see it and I’m disappointed already.

Once we all get in immediately we make our way to the bar for their cheap drink specials that happens to be advertised at every other bar and club in the city, fish bowls, or what I like to call schnapps Koolaid in an ice filled mason jar. Yeah it’s not as catchy but I call em’ how I see em. At the bar the first of my girlfriends tries to get the bartenders attention  with no luck after 10 minutes. Now it’s somewhat understandable seeing as though this place was packed wall to wall. But we just paid $20 to get in, so there should be more than 3 bartenders taking orders. Of course she gets fed up and passes the drink order duty over to the next of our crew. Within 5 minutes the order is made for 5 fish bowls. Now you would think these bartenders are pros at this point making Koolaid schnapps enough times a week they could do it with their eyes closed, right? Wrong! This guy makes only 2 at a time, I’m thinking to myself, “this isn’t rocket science sir, get fancy for your tips and pour like your getting paid to do so”. So of course we’re at the bar for another 10 -15minutes only to walk away with 4 drinks. And the DJ has the nerve to tell guests to tip these lack luster employees. Here’s a tip: give me what I ordered in a timely fashion and do it with some bottle flips or something, maybe then I’ll compensate you for your efforts.

We finally move away from the bar just to be packed like sardines in one of the worse areas and I’m not saying that because we were near the bathrooms, but because we were standing by the most ratchett partiers. The crowd was full of them no wonder a fight broke out across from our location, and near us an argument started with one of our male friends and some turned up chick that must have though she was in the VIP section. He’s asking her to calm it down a bit because there is literally no room, yet she catches an attitude until she sees his smile then she’s on his top, average chick stuff. At that point we begin to make our way to the back and I’m still trying to figure out why the hell I just spent $20 so far to buy just one $5 drink.

My assumption was maybe there’s a dance floor in the back, I mean the dj was rockin’. But no, there was a bull being operated by some jerk with an apparent attitude. He whips the bull in ways for the ladies to look like drunken fools, I guess this is all a part of the “Drunken sex”, experience. I had on a dress so I passed on the free carnival attraction (which is only worth $3- $5 btw). Now obviously most chicks ride this bull to simulate their sex game yet there are no guys seeming to be interested enough to look, clap or anything else. I stood there thinking I just paid 20 bucks to hang out with my friends and drink Koolaid, and watch thirsty chicks make asses out of themselves? There isn’t enough schnapps  Koolaid in the whole city to convince me of my $20 being spent wisely.

 

Finally the end of the night rolls around, well not actually it was only 1:30 am and guests were already being pushed out of the door by the bounces. So not only was I left pondering the point of this new nightlife experience I don’t even get to enjoy it to the max? What a scam!

All in all I will continue to never go to anymore parties that require a cover over $10, due to this whole “drunken sex” experience. Number 1 reason being nobody I went with got drunk but every guy outside wanted sex, just a set up for disaster in my opinion, and I’m better than that.

Now I have some tips for smart party goers like myself. If you want to get your monies worth of a good time.

1. NEVER pay to get into a bar. It’s like paying to get into the mall. You’re there for one reason only to spend your money on consumables. Why pay to pay for goods? Makes absolutely no sense.

2. If you do pay to get into an event let it be for the promise of a raffle, gift bag, entertainment outside of the DJ, or even a dance floor atleast. I mean insurance has to be paid in some way.

3. Don’t make your main agenda for going out buying drinks to get turned up, that’s just stupid. For each of our 20 bucks adding up to $120 we could have gotten tore from the liquor store.

Hey but if the promise of “drunken sex” is more than enough for you at these binge parties more power to you, but never again will I pay to hangout with friends and drink Koolaid at an establishment below my standards. I’m never that bored or desperate.