Act I:…In The Beginning

Well, hello there! Tonight I will be your narrator throughout the following six degrees of happenstances…My name is…Well, my name isn’t too important, but what is important is a tale of boy meets girl. Please do not misconstrue this tale for a love story; sorry. This is more like a boy meets girl and girl crushes boy’s heart. What is a little boy to do? Retribution…This is a story of revenge! Let’s go and join the “boy” and his friends in their dormitory. The boy’s name is Dameon by the way.  He’s a young attractive Asian American lad. Dameon is standing in front of the television in the living room as his two friends are sitting on the couch with their video game console joysticks in their hands. The young man on the right of the couch is name Blaine; young Irish American Lad and the young man the right of Blaine is named Blake another young lad but African American. Both Blake and Blaine are looking up at Dameon with a “are you serious” look on their faces. Dameon is standing in front of the two with a bright smile on his face as he says,

“Guys, y’all don’t understand, like… she’s all I need. She’s like that sun and I’m a rose in the garden. She’s like an angel that breathes life into my lungs. She’s like…She like everything I need and wish for in a woman. Guys, I think this just might be the one. She just might be my Beyonce.”

Blaine looks over at Blake with a look of astonishment on his face and then he proceeds to look back at Dameon with the same look of astonishment. Blake then looks at Blaine with a look of astonishment on his face and then he proceeds to look back at Dameon with the same look of astonishment on his face. Both, Blaine and Blake look up at Dameon with a look of astonishment. Blake says, “YO! That is so gay! Never tell anyone that again!” Blaine and Blake start to laugh, “HAHAHAHA!” Blaine says, “Really though, you pick now to tell us some old cheesy 80’s movie lines? Who dares to put these groups of words together then has a nerve to look at us with a straight face?” Blake says, “Yeah, she has you whipped like a horse whose gonna be used for weave.” Dameon yells out, “No she doesn’t!” Blaine says in a mocking voice, “No she doesn’t.” Really, dude, that’s the best you could come up with?” Blake says, “Ya know what, get out of the way. Go some where with that high school High babble. Go write in your dairy or something.” Dameon walks away with a frown on his face, mumbling, “Hm. That’s why y’all so single y’all are two second from being each others girlfriend.” Blake says, “Still doesn’t change a thing. That was still gay on your behalf.” Blaine and Blake laughed on as they’re playing the game, “HAHAHAHAHA!”

Act II: The Breakup

Dameon walks into his America History class with a huge smile on his face as he notices his girlfriend has left him an open seat. Dameon strolls by his professor and says, “S’up Professor Gee.” His professor says to him, “Yo Dee!” Dameon walks over to his girlfriend and lean over to kiss her on her neck and she pulls away from him in an uncomfortable manner. Dameon shrugs his shoulders and proceeds to sit down. Dameon looks over at his girlfriend and says, “Hey babe, I called you last night. Everything okay?” His girlfriend looks over at him and gives him a cold smirk. Dameon’s phone vibrates on his desk. Dameon looks at the text with a confuse look on his face and then looks over at his girlfriend says, “Are you serious?!” Dameon’s phone vibrates again and he looks down at his phone. He looks up and looks at his girlfriend and says, “It not you, it’s me?” Are you shittin’ me?! Did you really hit me with that?!” Dameon’s phone vibrates once again and he looks down at his phone. He looks up and at his girlfriend with a enrage look as he says, “What do you mean we should see other people?! What the hell! Where the fuck is this comin’ from?!” Professor Gee interrupts Dameon’s rant and says, “Um, Dameon, could you do this another time?” Dameon points with his index finger at his professor as he’s sitting at his desk and says, “You mind your fuckin’ business, I got this! So, back to you, when were you gonna tell me this? You just were tellin’ me how much you want kids with me after college.” Dameon’s phone vibrates once again and he looks at his girlfriend with an enraged look and says, “Really though? Are you really textin’ me while I’m sittin’ right next to you! Open your freakin’ mouth; stop actin’ like you’re one of the people under the stairs!” His girlfriend places her phone on her desk and looks Dameon in his eyes with a serious look on her face and says, “I think I like Brice and maybe you and I should be friends.” Dameon taps his finger nails on the desk angrily and looks around trying to regain his composure. Dameon closes his eyes and breathes deeply and says, “Okay.” Dameon stands up and proceeds to walk out of the class with a blank stare on his face. Professor Gee says to Dameon, “Can you please leave Dameon? Now.” Dameon says as he walks out of the class, “I was already leaving, you douche rocket.”

Act III: The Plan

Blake and Blaine are standing outside of Dameon’s door. Blake says, “C’mon, little buddy; you have been in the room for a week. It can’t be that bad, you will get the same caliber of hot ass again.” Blaine says, “No he won’t.” Dameon yells from the other side of the door, “No I won’t.” Blaine says, “At least he knows the truth.” Blake looks at Blaine with a mean look on his face and says, “Shut up, dick face! Hey, little buddy, want some ice cream?” Blaine looks at Blake with a “what the fuck look” on his face and says, “Really? You’re offering a grown ass man ice cream? You can’t compare that to hot ass.” Blaine does the scale motions with his hands and says, “Hot ass, cold tasty treat, hot ass or cold tasty treat from a big Black man. Two words, two syllables; that’s gay.” Blake says, “Shut the fuck up, please. Dameon, could you at least take that song “Swim Good” off of repeat?” Blaine grabs Blake in a fit of joy and yells, “Ha! I got it!” Blake wrestles out of Blaine’s grip and says, “Did you really have to touch me like a woman beater? I feel kinda violated” Blaine looks at Blake and say, “Code 49.” Blake raises his eyebrow and smirk as he utters, “Oh yes, Code 49…”

Intermission

Act IV: The Guidelines to Revenge and Eternal Happiness.

Blake and Blaine are standing in front of Dameon as he is sitting on the couch in the living room with a depressed look on his face. Blake says, “Code 49 is the elements of true revenge on an ex. Before you say it, we both know you love her but lessons are needed to be taught.” Blaine says, “First, you need to wash your ass then clean yourself up!” Now here we are in the bookstore on campus. Dameon looks fresh and clean as he walks up to a beautiful brown skin Black young lass. Before he utters a word the voice of Blake echoes in his head saying, “Rule one: Find a woman that’s just as hot as your ex, if not hotter. She wanted to talk to you before but couldn’t; you were with your ex. Now that you’re single, this young lady is so open to deal with you in whatever way is possible.” Dameon says, “Hi, Amy?” Amy face lights up like a Christmas tree and says, “Yes, hi Dee. How are you?” Dameon smirks and says, “I am fine, yourself? Dameon hears Blaine’s voice in his head saying, “Do not, I repeat, do not ask her out! She will ask you out momentarily.  Be patient, young Skywalker.” Amy says, “I am good. I was just about to go to the cafeteria for a bite. Would you like to come with?” Dameon raises his eyebrow with an intruding look on his face. Blake’s voice echoes in his head saying, “Shazam! You have yourself an arm piece!” Dameon walks pass a group of young ladies as they look on at Dameon and Amy as they’re walking together in the cafeteria. Some of the young ladies are whispering as the two walked by. Dameon hears Blaine’s voice in his head, saying “Rule two: Makes sure mutual friends or friends of your ex see you with your new arm piece. If your ex see’s you with your new arm piece, it will make you look weak.  It will make you look like you’re tryin’ to make her jealous.  So let other people tell her about your new arm piece.” One of the young ladies that Dameon and Amy walked passed is now on the phone with Dameon’s ex, saying, “Girrrrrl, you need to see Dee down her in the cafeteria with that Amy chick. Yup, she’s all in his face…Girrrl, she’s cute but she doesn’t look better than you, I guess.” Blake’s voice echoes in Dameon’s head, saying, “Spectators will help to seed the elements of doubt in her mind. All you need to do is chillax and enjoy the view.”

Intermission II

Act V: The Sweet, Sweet Taste of Stupidity

Dameon and Amy are walking in the park one afternoon as Dameon feels his phone vibrate. He grabs his phone out of his pocket and looks down at it to see a text from “That bitch” saying, “Hi Dee.” Dameon smirks at Amy as Amy smiles very hard at Dameon as they’re walking. Dameon hears Blaine’s voice in his head saying, “Rule three: She will contact you or you will run into her. She will hint around asking you ‘bout your new arm piece. Keep it cool, do not reply and just keep it solid.” Dameon is walking down the hallway to his next class and his ex turns the corner. He has an uncomfortable look on his face. She has a cute smirk on her face as she looks on at Dameon. Dameon says, “Hey.” She says, “Um, hey. How have you been?” Dameon says, “Cool. Just cool.” She says, “I have been texting you for like a week.” Dameon smirk as he’s looking down on him self and then says, “Oh yeah, I saw that. I have been busy with Amy lately.” Blake’s voice echoes in Dameon’s head, saying, “Now she will act like she doesn’t know who your new arm piece is; don’t trust it. That bitch is lyin’! Do something with the new arm piece that y’all were suppose to do and then tell her all about it.” Dameon says, “Amy is my new friend.   We’re takin’ it slow but we were at Build-A-Bear when you called me. She says, “Oh.” Blaine’s voice echoed in Dameon’s head, saying, “Now you got her!” Dameon says’ “I guess I’ll see you later.” Dameon walks away as his ex looks on with a stupid look on her face. Dameon is now lying across his bed talking on the phone as Blaine bursts through his door. Dameon looks up at Blaine with a frown on his face and says to Amy, “Can I call you back real quick…Ok, bye.” Dameon sits up in his bed as he looks up at Blaine and says, “S’up?” Blaine is panting as he is bent over with his hands on his knees. Blaine says, “Rule four: This is my part in this divine plan. She has been comin’ to Oliver Garden for dinner with Brice for like the pass month and half. They come the same day and time each week. So the cooks owes me a favor and I had them put eye drops and laxative in Brice’s food. He  did a number deuce in his pants and hurled all over her from across the table. This was like some exorcist type of shit! It was beautiful! So she will be callin’ you in four…three…two…” Dameon’s phone ring, he looks down with a surprise look on his face. He looks up at Blaine and says, “Are you an evil god of revenge and wrath or something? How do you know these things?! Blaine says, “Well, I’ve had a lot of bad break ups—Wait! Answer the damn phone!” Dameon answers the phone with an unsure look on his face. He says, “This is a surprise. So s’up?…Naw, I am free… Tonight?…Sure. See you soon. Peace.” Dameon hangs up the phone and looks up at Blaine with his mouth open in awe. Blaine smiles ear to ear and says, “This is the final act, are you ready?!”

Act VI: The Punch line

Dameon walks up to a table in a nice restaurant with his ex already seated, smiling at him. Dameon looks down and says, “Hi.” She says, “Hi, sit please.” Dameon sits down with a calm look on his face. He hears Blake voice in his head echoing, “Focus, stay calm, and do not fuck this up!” Dameon’s ex says, “I miss you, Dee.” Dameon says, “Oh really? Where’s Brice?” She says, “He’s sick, I think I might be leaving him.” Dameon says, “Oh really? You’re just throwin’ him aside? Word? Oh, I saw the video of him throwin’ up on you on Youtube. Do you know it has four million hits?” She says, “Yeah some asshole was recording it with his phone, fucking dick. Anyway, I miss you. I am sorry for being such a bitch towards you. I miss you so much, I want you in my life again, baby. Please! I am begging you, come back to me. I love you. Dameon smiles ear to ear as he hears Blake and Blaine voices in his head, saying, “Rule 5: Kill the bitch!” Dameon reaches out for his ex’s hands and holds them as he’s staring deep into her eyes. Dameon clears his throat, “Uhm!” then he says, “Liz, I missed you 3 month ago, I cried and cried for you to come back. I e-mailed you a hundred times, not one fuckin’ reply. You destroyed my spirit, broke my heart, and you shitted on me. Now that you’re ready to have me back, you want me to jump up and praise the Lord that you want to love me again. WAIT, when the next jock comes along, then you will be on his jock. So to your “I love you” attempt to get me back here is where I retort, I love you but honestly, fuck you. Now that you see I’m happy with someone else that’s just as beautiful as you but ten times more awesome than you, you want to love me again. Yeah, go play in traffic with that bullshit. How do you like me now? What tasted worst, Brice’s throw up or the bitter taste of disappointment? Wait, hold on.” Dameon takes out his phone and takes a picture of Liz as she looks broken, on the brink of tears. Dameon says, “Say cheeeeese! You’re going to be the newest internet superstar after I Twit this. Oh, FYI, don’t worry about the bill, I already dropped one fifty on it. Have whatever your heart desire, honey bun; don’t eat yourself to obesity. Dameon gets up from the table and smirks at Liz and says, “I hope you have a nice night and only dick faces are named Brice. Dameon gives Liz the “peace” hand symbol as he walks off and says, “Peace luv.”

The Epilogue

We’re back at Dameon and friends’ dormitory; Blake and Blaine are back sitting on the couch with their joysticks in their hands looking up at their other roommate, Steve. Steve is a good looking young Latin lad.  Blake and Blaine have a blank look on their faces as they’re looking up at Steve. Steve is standing in front of the TV with a sad look on his face. Steve says, “Really?! What does she want me to do? I love her but I still have my life. I am not sayin’ her life isn’t important but what ‘bout my life. I can’t just get up and just go—” Dameon enters the apartment with arms in the air, screaming, “I came, I Saw, I conquered!” Blake, Blaine, and Steve look on at Dameon with a mean look on their faces. Steve says, “Really? Really, my man? I didn’t interrupt you when you were on your two day fuckin’ rant ‘bout Liz. C’mon guy! Let someone else have the “relationship limelight” for one day, pretty, fuckin’ please!” Dameon puts his hands in the air with a “geez” look on his face as he take a sit on the arm of the couch, he says, “My bad, son. That’s my B. Continue…”